DON'T EVER LYING TO YOURSELF
It is not weird. If you make a lie in the first time you feel so regret, but nothing is happened. World just going as usual, no people realize it and you start thinking that is normal. First moment is good reason for became a liar debuted. And once you have done with it you will do it more.
Me, until now realize how difficult to recover the malady since it happened long time ago. I forget when the complication is started and now the cognition does not became a consciousness for me. It have been become an acute illness, and I can not help myself. I just remember it was going when I was still too young. I was living in a country side in a third world country with a poor family I have. I read so many stories about the rich people and how nice life like they were. I wish to be rich. Was I wrong? I did not think so.
Shame for me I just life in a fantasy, reading so many comics book, watching so many fantasy movies and love them so much. I did love just the dream, couldn't being distinguished which one just dream and the reality one. I guessed it why I was being a fool, a liar and a loser.
Now it being continue, the shadows of lying follow me. I was divorced with my wife hundred months ago, my daughters were living with their mother in another hometown and I fund their lives by care, for school and their foods. Just it the good thing I have. I knew she was (my ex. wife) was married again, and I did not love her anymore it was the reason why I didn't cared. I am just here being hide from all and just try to feel much better. But I know that I am just fail. Sometimes I hope someone loves me by sincere, honsetly, sometimes I feel so hopeless.
But now it being lonely life, I go to the work station for many hours everyday and go to the cafe for get sitting and eating foods, drinking my coffee and smoking many sticks of cigars and go home till the night comes. And I wish everything will change, so I try become to be a writer because it is a positive thing to go around.
I am still a liar, I do not ever tell the truth to the people. But the ugliest thing I have: I always lying myself...all I know what is a liar, is a person has lied or lies repeatdly. It is me.
By Sofyan (Nay Fus)
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| illustration is BestCoverPix.com |
Me, until now realize how difficult to recover the malady since it happened long time ago. I forget when the complication is started and now the cognition does not became a consciousness for me. It have been become an acute illness, and I can not help myself. I just remember it was going when I was still too young. I was living in a country side in a third world country with a poor family I have. I read so many stories about the rich people and how nice life like they were. I wish to be rich. Was I wrong? I did not think so.
Shame for me I just life in a fantasy, reading so many comics book, watching so many fantasy movies and love them so much. I did love just the dream, couldn't being distinguished which one just dream and the reality one. I guessed it why I was being a fool, a liar and a loser.
Now it being continue, the shadows of lying follow me. I was divorced with my wife hundred months ago, my daughters were living with their mother in another hometown and I fund their lives by care, for school and their foods. Just it the good thing I have. I knew she was (my ex. wife) was married again, and I did not love her anymore it was the reason why I didn't cared. I am just here being hide from all and just try to feel much better. But I know that I am just fail. Sometimes I hope someone loves me by sincere, honsetly, sometimes I feel so hopeless.
But now it being lonely life, I go to the work station for many hours everyday and go to the cafe for get sitting and eating foods, drinking my coffee and smoking many sticks of cigars and go home till the night comes. And I wish everything will change, so I try become to be a writer because it is a positive thing to go around.
I am still a liar, I do not ever tell the truth to the people. But the ugliest thing I have: I always lying myself...all I know what is a liar, is a person has lied or lies repeatdly. It is me.
By Sofyan (Nay Fus)
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